Episode 133

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Published on:

16th Oct 2025

Defensiveness: An Enemy to Growth and Loving Relationships

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Episode Summary:

"Defense is the first act of war." We are re-releasing our most popular episode this year, and for a good reason! Defensiveness is something we all struggle with! In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we delve into the concept of defensiveness in relationships, exploring its corrosive effects on intimacy and personal growth. We discuss the Four Horsemen of relationship dynamics identified by Dr. John Gottman, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and accountability in overcoming defensiveness. The conversation highlights how defensiveness can lead to self-deception and hinder true connection with partners. Learn practical strategies for recognizing and addressing defensiveness, and how to advocate for personal responsibility as a pathway to growth and improved relationships.

Takeaways

  • Defensiveness is a common but corrosive behavior in relationships.
  • Marriage serves as a platform for personal growth and self-awareness.
  • The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse include defensiveness, which predicts relationship instability.
  • Intimacy requires vulnerability and the willingness to confront uncomfortable truths.
  • Self-deception often stems from the ego's need to protect its narrative.
  • Taking responsibility is crucial for overcoming defensiveness.
  • Effective communication involves asking for understanding rather than becoming defensive.
  • Changing oneself can positively impact the dynamics of a relationship.
  • Defensiveness can destroy intimacy and connection with partners.
  • Recognizing and addressing defensiveness is essential for relationship health.

Connect with Us:

Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.

Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.

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About the Podcast

Master Your Marriage
Experiencing deeper love, passion and connection in your relationship
The average couple waits 6 years to get help in their marriage. That's 6 years of pain, hurt, frustration and lost opportunity.

This podcast is designed to help you NOT become a part of that statistic.

Hosted by Dr. Robert and Sharla Snow — themselves married for 31 years — The Master Your Marriage show is here with straight-talking guidance on how to fill your marriage with fun, friendship and love, without it ever feeling like "hard work."

No matter how long you've been struggling with your marriage, or how long it's been since you've felt that "spark," we promise you, there is hope!

Your MASTERFUL marriage starts here.

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Master Your Marriage The Snows